A Morning in the Life

I was late today and had to buy some milk and cereal for breakfast at the convenience store downstairs. That got me thinking about convenience stores, and I thought it would be neat to have a picture of one. Obviously, my first thought was of the KWIK-E-MART, but when I searched it, this article came up. It took me 'til halfway through it to realize this was a serious article about the way convenience stores are portrayed in The Simpsons. But I was even more tickled when I looked to the top bar and saw the article was posted on a website for the National Association of Convenience Stores, proving, once again, that there is an association for everything. I didn't figure convenience store clerks for the band-together type. They seem more of a everyone-out-for-yourselves type of profession.

Well, anyway, the point is, I was thinking. Say you had to do all your grocery shopping at a convenience store. (Don't ask me why--maybe all you had was a Mobil credit card and no money.) Would you be able to survive? Could you get all your food groups? All your vitamins?

Let's see.... Vegetables, you've got various tomato-based options: ketchup, salsa, maybe, if you're lucky, spaghetti sauce. But no other vegetables, really, except for potatoes in the form of chips, and that doesn't count. Grains, you've got crackers, maybe some noodles, maybe maybe a rice mix if it's a big store. Meat (if you're buying your meat at a convenience store, well, you're a brave brave person)-- about the only meat I would trust is the beef jerky or maaaaybe the spaghetti sauce with meat already added, but that sounds gross to me. Fruit, there's jelly, maybe some apples or bananas (again, only for the brave). For dairy, you're good--you've got milk, maybe even ice cream or cheese. If they've got butter and bread, you can make grilled cheese, plus a can of tomato soup--it could be a healthy meal. Hmm. But I don't like tomatoes.

I have to go get my picture taken for my new work ID today. It is, of course, the last day to do it. (It would be against my principals to do anything like this on anything but the last day. Hello!? My name is Becky, and procrastination is my game.) So of course I tried to dress nice for it, but that never works. In fact, that will probably mean I'll get an especially awful picture. We'll see.

...Oh my God. I just discovered a new torture method. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. (Not the office ID picture--that went fine.) I had to call to cancel my old insurance and wait on hold. They had this awful awful electronically-generated smooth jazz music on. I mean, WNUA Smooth Jazz makes my skin crawl anyway and is directly related to why I have an aversion to jazz music, even good jazz music. But this was like stuff they wouldn't even play on WNUA. And I had to sit there and listen to this... horrible--vile--piercing--mind-numbing... noise in order to get what I wanted. Couldn't hang up, because then all that time waiting would have been for naught. Plus I wouldn't have had the chance to tell the person, "Hello. Change your music. Now. For the love of God." And so I pressed on, holding the phone as far away from my ear as I could manage without missing hearing a person pick up if they ever did, waving the receiver around, making grimacey faces and whispering fiercely to myself to drown out the sound....finally, the price was too high. I couldn't take it. They broke me. Broke me like a cheap pencil or a plastic CD case you accidentally left on the floor. ARRRRGH! RRR! This is all part of diabolical plan, I'm telling you. Obviously they don't want people to call them on the phone. This is quite an effective people deterrent. I don't know how I'm going to solve my problem! I can't call them! Maybe I can fax.

Also, I had the best lunch ever. Tostadas (been waiting months to eat those!!) and free food left over from an office meeting that they left in the pantry: fresh pineapple and granola.

Okay, I have actual work now.